Stepping into the Unknown - Day 13

Yesterday Daniel and I went to see the Time Traveler's Wife. It's one of my favorite books, so I knew I had to see the movie. Daniel so kindly obliged me. We really enjoyed the movie and it sparked a lot of emotion in us. If you don't know the plot, the movie is based on a man who travels through time and how his time travel causes challenges in the day to day life of him & his wife. It was all about the unknown, but also the known, since he gets to go forward and see things in the future.

After the movie Daniel asked me if I could go back in time to my younger self and tell myself some really important things that I should know today, what would they be? It took me a while to come up with an answer, as I don't feel that I have many regrets in my life and I didn't want to change anything that would make me a different person today. I feel that regrets are a waste of energy and mind space, but the one strong thought that came to me was to tell myself not to be so afraid of the "Unknown".

For so many years as I was growing into an adult I had so many fears about what lay ahead and NOT KNOWING what lay ahead. These fears stopped me from doing many things like traveling, visiting new places, seeing friends across the country, moving, quitting a job, etc, etc. I'm sure you get the picture. Over the years, I have learned to let go more and more and even though I still fear the unknown, I KNOW that I have to step into it every day. And when I do step into it, so many beautiful and wonderful events happen. I grow and change, I become a better person and I get to experience life instead of hiding from it! That's how I came to move to California from good old Lawrenceville, New Jersey over 12 years ago. I was scared to death, but I knew from the tender age of 12 that I would one day live in California and enjoy the lifestyle that so many healthy Californians live.

This cleanse has brought up a lot of "unknown" for me. Especially since I have suffered from an eating disorder off and on, which will always be looming in the lurches. It's been laying dormant now for a while, but I know it's there at any moment to bare it's teeth whenever I am feeling low, lonely or stressed. Not being able to eat all the fresh fruit I want is challenging. Not being able to eat my staple Greens + bars is challenging. Not knowing how I am going to come off the cleanse is challenging. Will I overeat? Will I go crazy? All of these things are making me dig deep every day to find that place of safety within..to know I will be ok. I am stepping into the unknown every day, yet I also realize that we are ALL stepping into the Unknown every moment. We can make a plan and set goals, yes, but every moment is still unknown until you are in it. I love that Woody Allen saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans". Yet I also realize that I am the one creating my destiny and I get to choose. I get to choose the fear, the happiness, the pain, the love...all of it. I get to step into the unknown and create new moments for myself. I get to experience whatever happens in that moment, and if it's hard or uncomfortable I get to stand front and center with ME and make a positive choice for myself.

So, what I am trying to say is I think that most of us are afraid of the unknown, but we can't stop living because of this. We need to move forward and to have experiences that are rich and that make a difference. We need to take care of ourselves by eating healthy and exercising. We need to have a spiritual practice of some sort that will keep us grounded when we are floating. We need to have good friends, lots of love in our life and people who show up and support us!

Do you have those things? If not, are you willing to step into the unknown to find them???

Pensively yours,
The Ambivalent Cleanser!